Loving Your Uniqueness Compared To No One Else

Q: When you came to my school to do a workshop, I have to say that I don't remember any moment scarier than when you chose me to share about myself. I know that people say I look like a guy behind my back and to say it out loud in front of everyone ‘I'm aware that I look like a guy’- felt Great!

A: Thank you so much for having the COURAGE to feel the Fear and say it anyway! I admire you! The courage that you have is Powerful. Stay in that place, because in that place you will live a life that is not only extraordinary, but also authentic. What an amazing combination!

Your letter gives me the opportunity to write about one of my favourite topics ‘Loving Your Uniqueness’ – compared to no one else. Some of us may not be as brave and as accepting of ‘our true self’ as you are. The question then becomes: How do we fully embrace and love our unique selves?

For most people, it is much easier to find all the things that we feel ‘need to be fixed’ or ‘aren’t good enough’, but this way of thinking only has us be at war with ourselves. It’s not a fun or productive place to be and fighting who we are and how we look is exhausting.

I find that when we acknowledge what others may be thinking and what we are thinking, it can feel like a weight has been lifted from us. You may have heard the saying ‘the elephant in the room’ –meaning; that there is an issue that everyone knows about or a thought that everyone is thinking, but no one will bring it up or talk about it.

Talking about the issue or saying it out loud can be very freeing. This will also allow for a conversation to take place, where people get the chance to share their thoughts and feelings, which in turn allows us to move through whatever the issue is.

Each of us looks, thinks and feels differently, which is what makes our world so wonderful. Trying to be someone or something that you are not is frustrating. Plus it doesn’t allow people to get to know the wonderful you.

‘What do you get from not accepting? Maybe it’s time to stop rejecting.’ – lyrics from my song Love Crusade

Embracing your wonderful uniqueness will allow your confidence to grow. Being confident with who you are, is a key ingredient to true happiness.

Here is an exercise you can do in order to help you embrace YOU:
· Write down the things that you like about yourself. Write as many as you can think of (Ex: thoughtful, caring, animal lover, patient etc). If you have a great friend or a family member that you are close with and trust, ask them to share with you some great qualities that they notice you have.
· Take the things that you like about yourself and write them in large letters and place them in areas where you will see them.(Ex: mirror, locker, desk, binder etc). This will give you uplifting reminders of who you are.

Focusing on the great things about ourselves and our lives gives us to the ability to accept our uniqueness, to own it and to really make our lives and ourselves the best that they can be for us!

Choose to Start loving who you are - embrace your flaws and all. Give yourself the gift of self-acceptance and love! It is not about being Perfect. It is about being the best that you can be for you and really owning it!

‘Now you’ll hear my voice and I am going to Fly!’ - lyrics from my song Used To

Choose to be on your Team!


Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.

It Hurts to Be Made Fun Of

Q: I am being made fun of because I have an acne problem. Sometimes I just can’t handle it. What should I do?
 

A: I understand how painful it is to have people say hurtful things about you.

We all have experienced it at one time or another. For me, a painful time was when I was in school and a boy said, ‘Sara you have a Big Bum.’ It seems funny to write that, but it was anything but funny when it was said.
Unfortunately I allowed that negative comment to affect me. I started to believe that I had a big bum. But that was only half the problem.

I also started to believe that my body was not good enough. That belief led to low self-esteem. I allowed these 'silly' comments to effect me, to have power over me.
‘What do we get from not accepting? Maybe it’s time to stop rejecting?' - lyrics from my song 'Love Crusade’

In order to get my self-confidence back on track I had to change my thoughts about myself. I had to say positive affirmations'.

What I mean by this is...every time a negative thought about me would creep into my mind I would replace it with something positive.

My affirmation was: 'I choose to love myself just the way I am.’ I even wrote it on my mirror and wall as a reminder. I kept saying my affirmation even though my mind was telling me - 'No you don't.’

I wanted to feel truly happy in my own skin. So I persisted until I believed it. Sometimes I still need reminders. We all do.

Never allow other people's negative comments define who you are!
People will challenge us: our looks, our beliefs, what we do. It can be hurtful and upsetting.

You define who you are by the thoughts you choose to hold about yourself! So choose your thoughts wisely.
Remember you are not alone. There are many people who are going through the same or similar situation.

If you ever feel that you need to talk to someone anonymously Kids Help Phone is a great resource.

In Canada please call 1 800 668 6868 or visit www.kidshelpphone.ca

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life, this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.

Being At War With Myself – A Dark Place To Be

As a teenager and young adult, judging and comparing myself to others seemed to come naturally. Most of the time, I felt I couldn't measure up. Judging myself so harshly created a war between my body and me. I was rejecting my body and my true self at an alarming rate.

Although I wore a smile & appeared confident on the outside - inside I was frustrated, overwhelmed, disappointed and sad. This kind of thinking was quickly leading me down the path of self-destruction.

It was scary not knowing HOW I would become a strong, confident young woman who loved ‘the skin she was in.’ I really wanted and needed to believe that it was Possible to believe in me.

Self rejection is a dark place to be and there is a fine line between here (the healthy, self confident me) and there (the critical, self consumed me).

When I ask myself, 'Do I really want to go back to that dark, lonely place just so I can fit into those jeans?’

I think about it for a moment, and only a moment, and I say ‘NO WAY!’ I am committed to choosing me! I am committed to being on my team!

Sara
xoxox

P.S. I wrote the song and created the video ‘At War with Myself’ to let everyone know that even though we may be struggling, We Are Not Alone!
http://www.youtube.com/upowerconcerts#p/u/6/ItHzh6iZFuM

Judging and Comparing Yourself to Others Starts A War Within You

Q: You’re super lucky to be you because you’re skinny. Everyone always calls me fat. I wish I was you.

A: I wasn't always the size I am now. I was bigger when I was younger.
When I was growing up, some people would make remarks about the way I looked and I felt as though the hurt and sadness would last forever. The sadness came from believing the negative opinions, which then led to me criticizing myself. That’s how the war between myself and my body started.

'What do you get from not accepting? Maybe it’s time to stop rejecting?'
- lyrics from my song 'Love Crusade' ♫ http://blip.fm/~bflfh

I used to compare myself to one of my best friends who had long thin legs. I thought that she had perfect legs and since mine were shorter and bigger, that meant that mine were not beautiful.

Another person I used to compare my body to was my older sister. She was smaller than me and I used to constantly wish I had her body. I thought that if I did, my life would be better.


Comparing myself to them was ridiculous. It wasn’t going to change anything. It wasn't going to make my legs longer and thinner or my body skinnier. Plus, my friend, my sister and I had totally different body types and bone structures.

Now, there is nothing wrong with looking at someone to inspire you to get in shape and eat healthier. But the problems occur when we look at other people and decide we would rather BE them and, in turn, we give up on ourselves and our uniqueness.

One day, instead of all this, ‘judging and comparing’ myself to others and ‘wanting to be someone else’ stuff, I decided to 'choose me'!

'Choosing me' meant that I decided to make my body and myself the best that it could be for me, without comparing it to anyone else. I was tired of rejecting my body. I was tired of being at war with myself.

Here are 4 tools that continue to help me:

• Journaling - Clear your mind and heart. There is something very freeing about writing out your thoughts and emotions on paper.
• UPower Notes - Write uplifting, empowering, encouraging thoughts or words. Place them everywhere that you will see them. Two of my favorites are; “I choose to love and respect myself” and simply the word “freedom”.
• Being Grateful to My Body - I took the parts of my body that I resented and wrote down all the reasons that I should be grateful. For example: my legs allow me to run, walk, and I can paint my toenails. This exercise helps me to look at my body and appreciate it.
• Eating Healthy & Exercising - Once I started being grateful to my body I realized I needed to take good care of it, so that it could do everything that I wanted and needed it to in a day. Each day I would eat healthy foods - fresh fruits, veggies (lots of salads), etc. and no junk food. I began to go power walking. I even started going to the gym, so that I could learn how to use weight training to shape my body. When I started taking care of myself, I started enjoying the journey back to loving me.

I can now see that criticizing ourselves and believing the criticism of others, only leads to unhappiness. In the end, the only opinion that matters is the one that we choose to believe about ourselves!

I know that it’s easier said than done, but learning to really respect yourself and your body is so important to true happiness! It isn't about being skinny - everyone has a different body shape and size - it is about being healthy and happy!

Until next time…

This has been ‘my voice’ but I respect that this is your life, this is ‘your choice’