A: I understand how hard and frustrating it is to be at war with yourself. It’s a dark place to be. You’re right when you say that each day is a battle but let’s reframe that thinking and say ‘each day, each moment is about choices’.
When we are consumed with our bodies many of these choices seem to revolve around food: 'Should I eat? What should I eat? How much? Oops, that was too much - now I will be fat. Sound familiar?'
I empathize with your situation because when my dad died, my life felt out of control and uncertainty filled my world. The only thing I felt I could control was when and what I ate.
The next few years were very hard. I began to obsess about my weight and body. The scale became my constant friend - always nearby to ‘keep me on track.’ I began to define myself by the number on the scale. If the number decreased, I felt like I was accomplishing something great, but it never brought true happiness because there was always a lower number to aim for.
I was so consumed with my body that it was hard to concentrate on anything else. It became a full time job. I eventually reached a breaking point where I realized that I didn’t want this to consume my life anymore. I wanted to be happy again!
‘Look at me I know I'll never be that perfect 'cause we think...
Look at me, how could I be anything you’d wanna see?’
- lyrics from my song At War with Myself
I didn't know HOW I was going to start truly loving myself but I believed it was possible. There are still days that are challenging but I am committed to having a strong, healthy, beautiful relationship with myself.
Many people struggle with loving their bodies. It is easy to pick out the negative but choose to focus on the positive. Choose to be you. Choose to be on your team.
Right now it may seem impossible for you to believe you can be happy in your own skin, but it doesn’t have to be that way forever. Believing it is possible to love you & your body is the first step.
One thing I did was hang photos around my room of when I was 3 to 10 years old. That little girl loved her body. I needed reminders of who I was before I became obsessed with my body and weight.
The second thing I did was post positive affirmations (phrases like ‘I choose to love and respect my body’ or ‘I choose to see my beauty’) around my room so that I would be reminded of who I wanted to be.
At first, it was hard to write ‘I choose to love and respect my body’ because a little voice would say 'No you don't. You will when you’re as thin as she is’ But, it does get easier. I pushed through and kept to my commitment. I took it one moment at a time- one choice at a time. Anymore was too overwhelming.
I am happy to say that I have come to a place where I accept and respect my body. It may not be my idea of perfect but it is mine. So I am going to love it and continue to make it the best it can be.I hope you choose to do the same.
If you or someone you know has an eating disorder please visit www.anorexia-reflections.com,
Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'
