True Friends Think You are Cool Just the Way You Are

Q: I am going through a really tough time in my life right now. I skipped a few grades and so life was hard moving in with older kids. I thought I had made a few close girlfriends, that is until they began trying to force me into situations with boys or drinking, or partying. I did stand up for myself and told them I wasn’t comfortable with the things they do. Now they are pressuring me even more to be cool like they say they are.

A: First I want to say ‘way to go!’ It is hard at times to stand up for yourself, especially when you are trying to make new friends and desperately want to fit in and be accepted. It takes strength and courage to believe in yourself and to stay true to who you are. Setting up boundaries of what you will and won’t do is very important.

In high school, I had the strictest mom out of all of my friends. Before allowing me to go to a party, my mom would phone my friend’s parents to make sure there would be no drinking and that they would be home. Instead of focusing on how embarrassing and upsetting this was, I started to focus on my dream of singing as a career.

When all of my friends were at a party on a Friday night, I was performing or practicing.

Looking back I wouldn’t change a thing. Not only did my mom’s strict rules help push me to focus on my passion in life, but it also helped show me who my true friends were. They may have wanted me to go to the parties with them, but they accepted that I wouldn’t be going and didn’t make a big deal about it.

It is not always easy to let go of the pain when someone has left you out or belittled you. Allow yourself to feel upset but choose to focus on what you have learned from the circumstance. Carry that with you instead of the pain and hurt you may feel right now.

We may not always have control over the circumstance (what happens to us/what others think of us) but we always have control over our reaction to it and perception of it.

For example: If someone says to you ‘you aren’t cool ‘cause you don’t drink!’

Here are some examples of what you could choose to have it mean:
Choice A:
· I guess I am not good enough
· They don’t like me, so no one will

Choice B:
· They are not true friends, I am glad I found out now
· I feel bad for them that all of their fun revolves around partying and drinking

Choosing choice A will only leave you feeling upset & powerless. It will eat away at your self-worth.

Choosing choice B will allow you to believe in yourself and to push yourself forward to find caring, supportive friends.

‘I won’t lay down because of you. I will not hide from you. I know what I am made of
and I will push through.’ – lyrics from my song ‘Push Through’

Depending on what choices you choose to make in your life, it can either lead to learning wonderful lessons and a great life or the exact opposite. The choice is yours.


Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.

Being At War With Myself – A Dark Place To Be

As a teenager and young adult, judging and comparing myself to others seemed to come naturally. Most of the time, I felt I couldn't measure up. Judging myself so harshly created a war between my body and me. I was rejecting my body and my true self at an alarming rate.

Although I wore a smile & appeared confident on the outside - inside I was frustrated, overwhelmed, disappointed and sad. This kind of thinking was quickly leading me down the path of self-destruction.

It was scary not knowing HOW I would become a strong, confident young woman who loved ‘the skin she was in.’ I really wanted and needed to believe that it was Possible to believe in me.

Self rejection is a dark place to be and there is a fine line between here (the healthy, self confident me) and there (the critical, self consumed me).

When I ask myself, 'Do I really want to go back to that dark, lonely place just so I can fit into those jeans?’

I think about it for a moment, and only a moment, and I say ‘NO WAY!’ I am committed to choosing me! I am committed to being on my team!

Sara
xoxox

P.S. I wrote the song and created the video ‘At War with Myself’ to let everyone know that even though we may be struggling, We Are Not Alone!
http://www.youtube.com/upowerconcerts#p/u/6/ItHzh6iZFuM

Frustrated I was Not Allowed to Date

Q: I am 14 yrs old and my parents think I’m too young to date. What do you think is a good age to start dating?

A:I know the feeling of ‘not being allowed to date’.

I was not allowed to date until I was sixteen. However, my mom did allow me to go to movies and dinners in a group that included boys & girls.

At first I did not understand her reasoning. I thought I was mature enough to be alone with a boy, but my mom would always say that she didn’t want to set me up by putting me in a situation that I may not be able handle.

I met my husband, George, when I was 15 yrs old. It was hard and frustrating, not to mention embarrassing, that I wasn’t allowed to date. I was worried what he would think and what my friends would say. The amazing thing that I learned from this was how much George respected me and my rules.

He didn’t agree with them - he just respected them.

When I look back I realize that sixteen was a good age to start dating. Up to that point I concentrated on my singing, art, school and friends.

You’ll have lots of time to date when you turn sixteen. For now have fun and enjoy you!

Until next time,

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life, this is 'your choice'

Believe that You are Enough

Q: I’m really going through a lot and there’s no one I can talk to. I’m hating myself by the second. My self esteem out of a 10 is like a 1. I just want someone to care about me. What should I do?

A: I want you to know that you ARE Important and that You Matter!!
Sometimes other people can’t always provide the reassurance and encouragement that we so want from them. Please always remember that because you were born- because you are here - it means that you matter and the world needs You!

Let me share something with you.


I didn't always believe in ME. I didn't always have the Confidence that I have chosen to have now.
I worried so much about what others thought of me that I would cry myself to sleep every night. Sure I had great friends, but I always worried that maybe they didn't really like me or that I wasn't good enough.


After attending life courses at a young age, I realized that when my Dad left without saying good bye, I had taken it personally. I made it mean that there was something wrong with me. I had decided to believe that I was not good enough. So I was always trying to be accepted by others to prove that I was good enough.

I was trying to fill the hole I had from my Dad leaving, by having loads of friends. I soon realized that no friend could fill this hole - this was something that had to come from me.

First, I needed to forgive my Dad for leaving and not telling me what was happening. (Forgiveness isn't saying what happened is okay, it is saying that I am no longer willing to carry around the pain and hurt any longer.)
After forgiving him, I now had to re-choose my belief about myself and what I made his leaving mean. I started to see that it was not that there was something wrong with me. It was that my Dad brushed everything 'under the carpet' instead of dealing with things. It was too scary for him. I started to see that even though I didn't like how my Dad handled leaving, in his mind he was doing the 'Right' thing.

It wasn’t easy to make the choice to change my outlook. Even though I didn't enjoy crying myself to sleep every night, I got used to it. I decided that I had enough of blaming my dad for how everything looked. I couldn’t change the circumstance but I certainly could change how I saw it. So I decided to use my UPower and make new CHOICES by:

WRITING

• in my Journal about my pain, frustration and upset. I wanted to get all the 'poor me' stuff out.
• how I wanted to feel about my Life, my Dad and myself
• the choices I would have to make in order to obtain my new outlook
• what I needed to FOCUS on in order to love me and my life.
  
  THEN

FOCUSING ON

• the quality that I loved about my Dad - his humour (instead of focusing on the things that drove me crazy)
• the things that I loved about myself – my smile, my kind heart (even if you can only think of one or two things that is a good start)
• the things in my life that I was Grateful for (health, clothing, chocolate.... :)

Every time my mind would start FOCUSING on my old way of thinking, I would steer it back to the things in my life that I am grateful for. Since I had them written down I could always look at that piece of paper if I ever forgot. Keep a piece of paper in your pocket, your wallet, your binder etc. of what you are grateful for.

Total Self Worth and Self Esteem does not happen overnight. It happens by taking life 'One Good Choice at a Time!' :) I am not saying it’s easy. What I am saying is that you are worth it.

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life, this is 'your choice'.