It Seems Like My Hurt Will Last Forever

Q: I’m feeling low right now because the person that I really like is now with one of my friends. It is hard to watch them laughing and having a good time together when all I can think about is 'I wish that was me’. What can I do to get over this feeling of hurt?

A: Let me share a time when I felt hurt in high school. The bell had rung and the hallways were crowded with people trying to get to their lockers. I was standing in an area of the hall that most of my friends occuppied during our school breaks.

We were all chatting when I spotted the boy that I thought was not only cute, but that I could picture myself dating.

He stood across the hall talking with another group of people who were also my friends. I can remember watching him out of the corner of my eye, daydreaming about the fun we would have together. My dream came crashing to a sudden halt when I overheard him asking one of my older friends 'out'.

My friend said 'Yes' and I felt my heart sink.
’What?' I thought.
‘This is not how I expected this to go. Can this really be happening?’

I watched them talking and laughing as they walked away together.

I was so upset that I was wondering how I was going to carry on not only with my day but the rest of my life.At that moment it seemed as though the hurt and upset would last forever.


Now I look back and know that it was just a moment in my life - not my entire life.

We have all have felt the pain of having something happen that we did not expect or want. It is definitely not a good feeling to have our expectations of what 'should' happen, be crushed.

‘I won’t lay down because of you. I will not hide from you. I know what I am made of and I will push through.’ - lyrics from my song ‘Push Through’

Allow yourself to feel the hurt and upset that you are experiencing. Only in this way can you truly embrace your emotions. Here are a few constructive ways that have helped me to release and move through the pain of my emotions.
· Crying, screaming into a pillow.
· Writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal
· Sharing with a trusted friend.

After you have allowed yourself to feel your emotions, choose to pick yourself up and start focusing on the great things about you and your life. It is easy to focus on all the negative things that have happened to us, but choosing to change that focus to the positive allows us to feel happiness once again.

We all experience disappointment, loss and hurt but it is how we choose to move through it and what we choose to learn from it, that will determine who we become and how our life looks.
Allow this experience to have you see that there is life after hurt and pain. Keep focusing on the wonderful parts of your life and keep Creating more of that!

Choose to Push Through. Choose to be on your team!

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.

Being Secure with Who You are is Best Cure for Jealousy

Q: This guy and I have been really good friends for a long time. I've never really had any romantic feelings toward him. He's just someone I like to hang out with. Lately, though, I've found myself getting really jealous when he talks to and flirts with other girls. So much so, that I have actually convinced him not to go out with some really nice girls. I really want my friend to be happy, and I don't think I want a relationship with him, but I don't know how to keep from feeling jealous.


A: First let’s define what jealousy means. I define jealousy as an emotion (typically negative) that stems from thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over a potential loss or inability to gain something that you value, like a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of emotions such as anger, and sadness.

If your jealousy stems mainly from insecurities, then what are you insecure about? Maybe you think that she will take your place, that he will like her better than you, and that they will have great times together.

If your jealously stems mainly from fear, then what are afraid of? Maybe it scares you that the time you and your friend spend together will be interrupted and maybe even lost.

Since you enjoy the time you spend with him, I can see why you may feel a bit insecure and afraid because you don’t want your relationship to change.

‘We all know you have to feel the rain to see a rainbow.’ – lyric from my song ‘Beautiful Surprise’

Acting out of these fears will only lead your relationship down a rocky path that can end up with your friendship ending.

If you truly want your friend to be happy and to continue to have a good friendship, then you must choose to take a step back when it comes to his personal relationships. It’s not that it will be easy, but if you value your friendship, it needs to be done.

Since you are not interested in a personal relationship with him, it really isn’t fair to try and hold him back from finding someone who is interested in him.

When we allow our minds to wander, when we feel insecure and when we choose to live out of fear, jealousy is born.

We all have the ability to be jealous, but the question is do you act on it? Lately you have been acting on it by discouraging your friend from dating nice girls. Allow jealousy to be a passing thought, a passing emotion.

Jealousy can eat away at wonderful relationships if we allow it to. Creating suspicion and anger only holds us back from experiencing a truly happy and healthy relationship.

I have found that choosing to be secure with who you are and what you have to offer, is the best prevention and cure for jealousy.

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.