Taking a Stand for Respect

Q: When I stick up for someone, people say that I just want attention and they say some rude stuff. What do I do?

When I was in grade 7 there was a girl in my class who got made fun of everyday. Sometimes I would wonder how she came to school knowing that people were going to be cruel. I can remember walking home from school one day thinking, ‘I want to be someone who takes a stand for what I believe in. I want to take a Stand for Respect!’

When I made the choice to stand up for Respect I knew that meant taking a stand for the girl in my class who was getting made fun of or ignored everyday. I was nervous. I was worried about what others would think but I decided to 'feel the fear and do it anyway!' I put my new choice into action by saying 'hi' to her with a smile and by not talking about her in a disrespectful way. Two simple acts that are hard to do when everyone else is not doing the same.

There were people who turned on me by saying, 'What! Are you two best friends now? Sara you're too nice!' and I could tell by the tone in their voice that they didn't mean those words as a compliment. I knew I could not change how they acted but I could definitely choose my actions and opinions.

It’s hard to take a stand especially when no one else is there to support you. There is a saying that says 'It’s easy to stand with a crowd and hard to stand on your own.' It’s not always easy, but it is Possible to take a Stand for Respect regardless of what others think! I knew I needed to take a stand for what I believed was right.

A few months later I received a note from that young lady in my class.

Dear Sara,
You are the best out of the gang. You don't make fun of me. Why? I really like you. I want to be friends with the other ones but they don't want to be friends with me. I guess what I am trying to say is Thank You for not making fun of me!

Although it was hard to stand alone, it felt good knowing that I was doing what I believed was Right and Respectful. Today as I look back to grade 7 I am so happy I chose to take a stand. I have moved many times and I am now 29 and that note still means a lot to me. How we choose to treat ourselves and others can have lasting effects.

Choose not to allow what others think to determine what you Believe about you! Keep taking a stand for Respect for yourself and for others! The more you do it the easier it will become.

Remember - people have their opinions, but those opinions don’t mean anything until you say they do!! You have the final say in what you choose to believe about yourself and the world.

‘Act in the moment but choose to act in a way you will be proud of for the moments to come' - that's using your UPower.

Until next time...


This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'

    P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help,

one of the best UPower choices you can make is to

Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors,

friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.

Keep reaching out until someone listens.

It’s Easy to Get Caught Up in What Everyone Else Thinks

Q: I've been feeling like a failure because I haven't been able to live up to everyone else’s expectations. I haven’t even considered what my expectations are because they are centered on everyone else’s. I am so tired of trying to be everything to everybody. What can I do?

Balance is the Key!
I think we all struggle to find balance from time to time. For me, finding balance was difficult at first. I am someone who likes everyone to get along and be happy. I thought that maybe, just maybe, by being really easygoing and by doing what was asked of me, there would be no conflict. However, this was not the case. The major conflict that bubbled up was the one within myself. I realized that people were beginning to see me as a ‘pushover’ rather than as easygoing. I also learned that people don't respect those who are 'wishy- washy' with their beliefs and actions.

Taking a stand for what you want and for what you believe in, is so important! It’s what will help you find out who you are. When you are not clear about who you are, it is easy to do things you don't want to do and to become what everyone else wants.
For example: Someone who is not clear about whether they want to try smoking or not will be easily influenced to take up smoking if their friends smoke. It is easy to follow the crowd if you are not clear about what you want for you.

Let's be honest - it’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone else thinks, wants and expects from us. When this happens you are taking other people’s life journey not your own. Discovering who you are and what you will tolerate is an essential step towards helping you create balance within yourself.

There is a song lyric by Ricky Nelson that says:
'you can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself.'

It sounds selfish but when we try to please everyone around us all we have really accomplished is the feeling of being overwhelmed and a sense of failure. If you’re not taking care of yourself and showing yourself love and attention, not only will you end up getting burnt out, but soon a feeling of resentment and bitterness will start to grow inside of you.

This can happen because you feel so unhappy with the fact that, even though you are trying your best, you discover you are not pleasing everyone. You start to see that you have spent so much of your precious time and energy doing things that aren't really true to who you are. Then you realize there is no time left for you to do what you are passionate about.
Listen to what people have to say with an open mind and heart. However, instead of just deciding to go along with it because you are afraid of what people will say and think, really listen to yourself, so that you can become clear on what you truly believe.

Finding a balance between what other's want from you and what you want from yourself and your life is essential to finding peace within yourself.
Take time to have quiet moments with your own thoughts so that you can see what it is that you want for you and your life. Journal about it. Take long walks. Sit quietly in your room. Pay close attention to your thoughts.

Choosing to Listen and to Help others is a wonderful character trait but always make sure that you are also listening to your needs and taking time for you!
Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.

Being Popular Does Not Guarantee Feeling Good About Yourself

Q: I would love to be popular. If I could just become popular, I would have lots of friends and feel good about myself. Tell me how to achieve instant popularity!

I know that the popular people seem to have it made. They appear to ‘be in charge’. People think once you are labelled popular, life becomes perfect and everything, including happiness, comes easily.

We’ve all heard the saying ‘the grass always looks greener on the other side.’ It’s true - it does look greener until you get there because, just like everyone else, even the 'popular people’ have issues (e.g. wanting to keep up with one another, talking about each other, not feeling completely accepted etc).

Sometimes it becomes too easy to define who we are for reasons outside of ourselves. For example: 'I am accepted, important and worthwhile because I have so many friends.'
If your happiness depends on the number of friends you have, this could create unhappiness especially if you don't reach the magic number of friends you have set in your mind.

Feeling Good about YOU comes from truly believing that you are important just the way you are! This comes from inside you.

I have spoken to many people who are considered in the 'popular crowd' who still struggle because they don't feel truly
accepted and cared about. Being popular and having lots of friends does not guarantee you will feel good about yourself.

Some people care more about social status than the true meaning of friendship.

I think your real desire should be to have loving, understanding, supportive friends. I have learned that the quality of friendships you create is far more important than the quantity.

Once you completely accept who you are, regardless of social status, feeling good about yourself and your life follows.

Do you remember in my UPower concert when I was talking about making choices from an End Result and I told you mine 'I Choose to Respect myself, others and my dreams'.

Here is an Exercise for you to do:
· Write out your End Result – answering the question ‘What do you want to believe about YOU?’
· Start with 'I choose....' and fill in the rest. You can add Confident, Loving, Understanding, Accepting etc.
· Hang it someone in your room so that you can use it as a visual reminder of what you want to believe about yourself, regardless of the number of friends you have. I do this and I find it helps to build my confidence and self-acceptance.
· Keep repeating what it is that you want to believe about YOU. You have the final say when it comes to what you choose to believe about you and your life!

Choose not to put your happiness on hold because you are waiting until you are 'popular' in order to be Happy with you and your life.

The more confident you are with yourself the easier it will be to attract great friends. Work on being the best person and friend that you can be. Take pride in who you are and what you have to offer.

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.

Allow Yourself the Gift of Feeling Your Emotions

Q:My Nanny (grandmother) died over three years ago but this is the year that her death has really hit me. Lately I've been realizing how little time I took to actually get to know her and I regret not knowing her better. Also my family keeps commenting on how my cross stitching is amazing just like my Nanny's was. It's little comments like that that seem to make me all emotional and I cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking of her. How would you suggest I deal with it?

A: I can totally relate. When my Dad died I was devastated, however, the reality of him not being around didn't sink in right away. I found year five of my Dad’s death to be very hard.

Grief is a journey and it is not the same journey for everyone. Each day, each year brings about different emotions.

Sometimes I’ll remember something about my Dad - a place we visited or a story he told - that will bring a smile to my face. And sometimes that same memory will bring an overwhelming feeling of sadness - it depends on the day.

I know from experience that losing someone that we love brings about grief that seems like a constant roller coaster ride - one that we don't want to be on.

I have to admit that when my Dad first died I didn't fully allow myself to feel all of my emotions. I pushed them below the surface. I wasn't really sure how to be or feel. I was used to smiling and helping others, but this time I was the one who needed help. I found it really hard to reach out for that help and support. I felt a bit embarrassed, like I should know how to deal with the circumstance.

I was afraid to surrender, to allow myself to fully feel. However, once I made the decision to ‘just do it’, I began to experience relief.

Allowing yourself the gift of truly feeling your emotions is so important. If you find yourself crying yourself to sleep - it's okay – allow it to happen. The more you try to hold your feelings in or make yourself wrong for feeling them, the harder the journey becomes. For me, talking to someone about how I feel, journaling, writing songs, going for walks, crying, and baking - are all ways that help me to feel and release my emotions.

Find healthy ways that work for you to feel, to express and to release your emotions. In doing so you will create healing for yourself.

I hear from so many people that they wish they had done things differently. It is too easy to look back and say 'should have, would have, could have.' I believe it is important to focus on the great memories that you did create with your Nanny, instead of the ones you feel you didn't.

We can't change the past, but we can learn from it so that in the future we can choose to make different choices.

Knowing that you have the gift of cross-stitching that your Nanny also possessed is special. You are helping keep the memory of your Nanny alive, not only for you, but for your family!

It is sad when our loved ones die, but remembering the gifts we received because they were part of our lives, lightens the sadness. A beautiful life was lived and you are carrying on her memories.

‘To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.’ Thomas Campbell

Until Next Time...

This has been ‘my voice’ but this is your life, this is ‘your choice’

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
                            Keep reaching out until someone listens.

We Can Choose How We React to a Circumstance

Q: I can't believe it. The person I thought was my friend went and told other people a secret I told her about something that was happening in my life. I am so upset especially since she promised she would not tell anyone. What should I do?

I know that it is really upsetting when other people, especially the ones that we love and care about, do something that feels hurtful.

Let me share with you a time where I had a similar circumstance happen to me.

I was telling my friend something confidential and the next day she told other people what we were talking about. I felt very betrayed and angry.

I remember thinking how much I wished I had chosen not to share with my friend. I even wished I could have made my friend keep secrets and not gossip.

Even though I could not change the choice my friend made to tell other people about our conversation, I had CHOICES in how I reacted to this CIRCUMSTANCE.

Here are a few of the CHOICES that I found myself thinking about:

A) I could choose to talk to her about how I felt.
B) I could choose never to talk to her again.
C) I could choose to tell her only things that I didn’t mind other people knowing.

In order to choose what would work best for me, I had to first
decide what I wanted my END RESULT to be.

Having an END RESULT is so important because it’s what guides the choice you will choose to make.

The END RESULT I wanted was to keep her as a friend because there were qualities about her that I appreciated.

For me, CHOICE C was the one that worked the best.

Not everyone will have all the qualities that we think they ‘should’ have, but that doesn't mean that we have to choose to write them off. We can make a choice to Focus on the qualities that we like (ex: humour, kindness, generosity etc)

Find one quality and choose to Focus on that. In doing this, it will help you start to rebuild your relationship. Even if you choose to never tell your friend another secret, you can still create a relationship where you enjoy spending time together.

That being said, if your friend continues to treat you in a way that you feel is hurtful, then you have to make a choice whether this is a friendship that you want to continue having.

Until Next Time...

This has been ‘my voice’ but this is your life, this is ‘your choice’

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.

©2011