Q: I've been feeling like a failure because I haven't been able to live up to everyone else’s expectations. I haven’t even considered what my expectations are because they are centered on everyone else’s. I am so tired of trying to be everything to everybody. What can I do?
Balance is the Key!
I think we all struggle to find balance from time to time. For me, finding balance was difficult at first. I am someone who likes everyone to get along and be happy. I thought that maybe, just maybe, by being really easygoing and by doing what was asked of me, there would be no conflict. However, this was not the case. The major conflict that bubbled up was the one within myself. I realized that people were beginning to see me as a ‘pushover’ rather than as easygoing. I also learned that people don't respect those who are 'wishy- washy' with their beliefs and actions.
Taking a stand for what you want and for what you believe in, is so important! It’s what will help you find out who you are. When you are not clear about who you are, it is easy to do things you don't want to do and to become what everyone else wants.
For example: Someone who is not clear about whether they want to try smoking or not will be easily influenced to take up smoking if their friends smoke. It is easy to follow the crowd if you are not clear about what you want for you.
Let's be honest - it’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone else thinks, wants and expects from us. When this happens you are taking other people’s life journey not your own. Discovering who you are and what you will tolerate is an essential step towards helping you create balance within yourself.
There is a song lyric by Ricky Nelson that says:
'you can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself.'
It sounds selfish but when we try to please everyone around us all we have really accomplished is the feeling of being overwhelmed and a sense of failure. If you’re not taking care of yourself and showing yourself love and attention, not only will you end up getting burnt out, but soon a feeling of resentment and bitterness will start to grow inside of you.
This can happen because you feel so unhappy with the fact that, even though you are trying your best, you discover you are not pleasing everyone. You start to see that you have spent so much of your precious time and energy doing things that aren't really true to who you are. Then you realize there is no time left for you to do what you are passionate about.
Listen to what people have to say with an open mind and heart. However, instead of just deciding to go along with it because you are afraid of what people will say and think, really listen to yourself, so that you can become clear on what you truly believe.
Finding a balance between what other's want from you and what you want from yourself and your life is essential to finding peace within yourself.
Take time to have quiet moments with your own thoughts so that you can see what it is that you want for you and your life. Journal about it. Take long walks. Sit quietly in your room. Pay close attention to your thoughts.
Choosing to Listen and to Help others is a wonderful character trait but always make sure that you are also listening to your needs and taking time for you!
Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'
P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.
Balance is the Key!
I think we all struggle to find balance from time to time. For me, finding balance was difficult at first. I am someone who likes everyone to get along and be happy. I thought that maybe, just maybe, by being really easygoing and by doing what was asked of me, there would be no conflict. However, this was not the case. The major conflict that bubbled up was the one within myself. I realized that people were beginning to see me as a ‘pushover’ rather than as easygoing. I also learned that people don't respect those who are 'wishy- washy' with their beliefs and actions.
Taking a stand for what you want and for what you believe in, is so important! It’s what will help you find out who you are. When you are not clear about who you are, it is easy to do things you don't want to do and to become what everyone else wants.
For example: Someone who is not clear about whether they want to try smoking or not will be easily influenced to take up smoking if their friends smoke. It is easy to follow the crowd if you are not clear about what you want for you.
Let's be honest - it’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone else thinks, wants and expects from us. When this happens you are taking other people’s life journey not your own. Discovering who you are and what you will tolerate is an essential step towards helping you create balance within yourself.
There is a song lyric by Ricky Nelson that says:
'you can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself.'
It sounds selfish but when we try to please everyone around us all we have really accomplished is the feeling of being overwhelmed and a sense of failure. If you’re not taking care of yourself and showing yourself love and attention, not only will you end up getting burnt out, but soon a feeling of resentment and bitterness will start to grow inside of you.
This can happen because you feel so unhappy with the fact that, even though you are trying your best, you discover you are not pleasing everyone. You start to see that you have spent so much of your precious time and energy doing things that aren't really true to who you are. Then you realize there is no time left for you to do what you are passionate about.
Listen to what people have to say with an open mind and heart. However, instead of just deciding to go along with it because you are afraid of what people will say and think, really listen to yourself, so that you can become clear on what you truly believe.
Finding a balance between what other's want from you and what you want from yourself and your life is essential to finding peace within yourself.
Take time to have quiet moments with your own thoughts so that you can see what it is that you want for you and your life. Journal about it. Take long walks. Sit quietly in your room. Pay close attention to your thoughts.
Choosing to Listen and to Help others is a wonderful character trait but always make sure that you are also listening to your needs and taking time for you!
Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'
P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.
