True Friends Think You are Cool Just the Way You Are

Q: I am going through a really tough time in my life right now. I skipped a few grades and so life was hard moving in with older kids. I thought I had made a few close girlfriends, that is until they began trying to force me into situations with boys or drinking, or partying. I did stand up for myself and told them I wasn’t comfortable with the things they do. Now they are pressuring me even more to be cool like they say they are.

A: First I want to say ‘way to go!’ It is hard at times to stand up for yourself, especially when you are trying to make new friends and desperately want to fit in and be accepted. It takes strength and courage to believe in yourself and to stay true to who you are. Setting up boundaries of what you will and won’t do is very important.

In high school, I had the strictest mom out of all of my friends. Before allowing me to go to a party, my mom would phone my friend’s parents to make sure there would be no drinking and that they would be home. Instead of focusing on how embarrassing and upsetting this was, I started to focus on my dream of singing as a career.

When all of my friends were at a party on a Friday night, I was performing or practicing.

Looking back I wouldn’t change a thing. Not only did my mom’s strict rules help push me to focus on my passion in life, but it also helped show me who my true friends were. They may have wanted me to go to the parties with them, but they accepted that I wouldn’t be going and didn’t make a big deal about it.

It is not always easy to let go of the pain when someone has left you out or belittled you. Allow yourself to feel upset but choose to focus on what you have learned from the circumstance. Carry that with you instead of the pain and hurt you may feel right now.

We may not always have control over the circumstance (what happens to us/what others think of us) but we always have control over our reaction to it and perception of it.

For example: If someone says to you ‘you aren’t cool ‘cause you don’t drink!’

Here are some examples of what you could choose to have it mean:
Choice A:
· I guess I am not good enough
· They don’t like me, so no one will

Choice B:
· They are not true friends, I am glad I found out now
· I feel bad for them that all of their fun revolves around partying and drinking

Choosing choice A will only leave you feeling upset & powerless. It will eat away at your self-worth.

Choosing choice B will allow you to believe in yourself and to push yourself forward to find caring, supportive friends.

‘I won’t lay down because of you. I will not hide from you. I know what I am made of
and I will push through.’ – lyrics from my song ‘Push Through’

Depending on what choices you choose to make in your life, it can either lead to learning wonderful lessons and a great life or the exact opposite. The choice is yours.


Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.