It’s Always Possible to Take a Stand Against Disrespect

Q: On my bus I sit with my friend who is very opinionated. There's another girl on the bus that my friend really doesn't like. My friend is not the type of person to keep things to herself and she often comments about the girl or wrinkles her nose when the girl is not looking. I don't like the girl either but I feel bad about how my friend treats her. I often nod my head in agreement to my friend’s comments not because I want to hurt the other girl but because I want my friend to like me. I call her my friend but we aren't as close as I wish we were. I find myself trying to fit in with her. What should I say next time my friend says a comment about that girl? I want to stop talking about her in negative ways.

A: Thank you for your openness. I believe that the circumstance you are describing is one that we can all relate to. It’s so easy to get caught up with disrespectful behaviour, especially when we are trying to 'fit in' and be liked.

It’s interesting how people will disrespect someone, or go along with disrespectful behaviour, in order to gain respect from someone else. It’s easy to say that you will stand up against disrespect but to actually do it, takes a lot of courage and commitment.

When I look back on times that I didn't speak up against disrespect I realize that:

· I worried about what my friends would think of me if I said something.

· I wanted to be liked and to fit in.

· It seemed easier to go along with it.

Taking an action that you think may cause you to be left out, to be made fun of or to be embarrassed by, is something we all try to avoid.

Here's a question you may want to ask yourself:

'Am I being true to yourself by choosing not to say or do anything about the disrespectful behaviour?'

Since you messaged me about your upset around this circumstance I would say the answer is ‘No, you are not being true to who you believe you are.’ I can always tell when I’m not being true to myself when the little nagging voice inside my head is saying, ‘Why did you do that? Why didn’t you say something?’ causing me to feel guilt and regret for my actions.

In order to help you make a choice that will allow you to stay true to who you are it's important to think about what you want your END RESULT to be for you.

For example:
#1 - End Result - to always try to be liked by everyone at all costs

#2 - End Result - to be a respectful person to myself and others

Picture two people in the same circumstance that you have shared with me. One person has End Result #1 and the other has End Result #2. Do you think that they would make the same choice even though they are in the same circumstance? No, their choices would be very different!

The person with End Result #1 would choose not take a stand:

• They would be so worried about fitting in and being liked.
• They wouldn't have the courage to step out on their own and be true to themselves. It would be way too scary.

The person with End Result #2 would choose to take a stand by:

• Sharing with their friend why they don't enjoy talking about someone else
• Deciding there are more important things to talk about and change the conversation to another topic.
• Sitting with someone else on the bus instead of that friend

It’s not always easy to take a stand, especially when you know that you may not have the support that you want. But it’s always possible to stand up for what you believe.Taking a stand for RESPECT doesn't have to be an extraordinary act. It could be something as simple as not talking about people in a disrespectful way and choosing not to get involved in conversations that are disrespectful to others.

Take a Stand for the type of person you want to be. Decide what you want your End Result to be for you. This will give you the focus and direction that you need in order to take life One Good Choice at a Time!! ;)

Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life, this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.

Don’t Allow Other People to Define Who You Are

Q: Some people at my school have begun to laugh at me and belittle me in person but even worse online. There is nowhere I can escape it. I need advice please!

A: Whether you are reading or hearing hurtful words, it is not a good feeling. It is also embarrassing to have posts written about you online. Lots of other people can see them and you may feel ashamed.

   Unfortunately, some people feel that it is okay to speak ill of someone just because they feel like it.

   I can remember when I went through times like these- it felt like the pain and frustration was going to last the rest of my life, but it won’t. It is not always easy to let go of the pain when someone is belittling you, but allow yourself to feel the upset and then choose to focus on who you know you are, that you are a great person.

   Don’t allow other people to define who you are. You define who you are. Choose to hang around people who encourage and uplift you- people who remind you of who you are when you forget.

   The Internet has so many good things to offer, but it can also bring many ‘not so nice’ situations. For example: Facebook is a wonderful tool to connect and stay in touch with friends and family, but it can also be a way to broadcast belittling and disrespectful thoughts.

   Below are some terrific suggestions if you are being bullied on the Internet (cyberbullying). This information has been copied from http://www.bewebaware.ca/english/cyberbullying.html

·        Guard your contact information. Don't give people you don't know your cell phone number, instant messaging name or e-mail address.

·        If you are being harassed online, take the following actions immediately:

Tell an adult you trust - a teacher, parent, older sibling or grandparent.

·        If you are being harassed, leave the area or stop the activity (i.e. chat room, news group, online gaming area, instant messaging, etc.).

·        If you are being bullied through e-mail or instant messaging, block the sender's messages.  Never reply to harassing messages.

·        Save any harassing messages [copy and paste them in a separate file] and forward them to your [Internet Email Provider (i.e. Sympatico, Rogers, Gmail etc.).] Most [email] providers have appropriate use policies that restrict users from harassing others over the Internet - and that includes kids!

·        If the bullying include [threats of any kind], tell the police.

   Choose to take a stand against cyberbullying with your peers. Speak out whenever you see someone online being mean or disrespectful to another person. Your peers may respond more positively to your criticism of their actions more than they would from adults.

   It can be hard when you feel like you are all alone in a situation, but know that you are not alone.

   There are many people that are going through a similar circumstance. When you feel as though it is becoming too much make sure you tell someone what is happening, and keep telling until you find someone who will take you seriously and help.

For more information about Cyberbullying - how to stop it and how to be aware of it - check out:

www.stopcyberbullying.org 

Until next time, 

This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.

Keep reaching out until someone listens.

Stand Up for Your Unique Self

Q: Hey Sara, your performance at the cinema was amazing but I have a question...how do you do your own thing even when your friends are going to do something you know you shouldn't or they are not doing something that you want to? For example: at your UPower concert when you asked us to wave our arms to your song I felt like I shouldn't cuz my friends weren’t and I was also worried that I was going to get made fun of.

A: Sometimes worrying about what other people will think holds us back from behaving in a manner that is not appropriate or in a way that could be harmful. So in SOME cases allowing the opinions of others to influence you is a good thing.

However, there are many times when people worry so much about what others think of them, that they don't allow themselves the freedom to be who they truly are. Instead they hide their talents, their abilities and their personality in order to fit in!

It’s easy to allow your mind to create ’what if’s’ about situations and to worry about what others may think.

For example:

·        ‘What if I wave my hands in the air and everyone thinks I look ridiculous?'

·        ‘What if I wear my new outfit to school and people don't like it?’

·        ‘What if I don't make the basketball team - will people think that I'm a bad athlete?’

The ‘what if's’ can be never ending. Sometimes we even answer the ‘what if’ questions that play over and over in our minds.

For example:

Q: ‘What if I wave my hands in the air?’

A: ‘Everyone might think I look ridiculous. Then I will feel embarrassed. I might even get made fun…not just that day...maybe the rest of the year! People might not want to hang out with me etc.'

    Even if a small voice in your head is saying, ‘Just go ahead, it’ll be fun’, it will take a lot of courage to go against all the ‘what ifs’ your mind has created from the simple act of wanting to wave your hands in the air during a song.

 

Since we all have a strong desire to fit in, to be accepted and to be loved, it’s easy to do or not to do something in order to obtain acceptance.

Most of us spend a lot of time trying to look good for other people and I don't just mean with our fashion sense.

Giving in to the 'worries' of embarrassment and allowing those worries to stop you from being who you truly are, means that you end up missing out on the fun and freedom of allowing yourself to express YOU in a Unique way!

Here is something that I found helpful as a teenager. I wrote down the type of person I wanted to be. I wanted to be Respectful, Understanding and Confident. Whenever a situation would come up I would ask myself if I was being true to those characteristics.

Also ask yourself:

·        Is it more important to 'fit in' at the cost of not being your unique self? (If people put you down for waving your hands to a song, are those the people that you want to call friends?)

or

·        Is it more important for you to enjoy being You? - 'waving your hands in the air like you just don't care' regardless of what others may think. (Plus, deciding to wave your hands in the air, may have others following your lead!)

Always keep in your mind the person that you want to be and make CHOICES that will lead you there!

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life, this is 'your choice'          

 P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.

Keep reaching out until someone listens.

No One Likes Being Put Down

Q: Right now one thing I'm really struggling with is self esteem. I try to tell myself it doesn't matter what others think or what others say, but I still get self conscious.  I want to stand out and speak my mind but as soon as I make up my mind to say something a voice in my head tells me that others will think I'm even more of a freak and I often back down.

A: It’s important for us to decide whether or not we will allow our worries of what 'others think' stop us from acting and being who we truly are.  As long as we are not harming other people or ourselves, choosing to be true to who we are is so important. Choosing to be who you are regardless of other people's opinions is not always easy, especially in our school years- but it's possible!

No one likes being put down. I have learned that anything that someone says or does says way more about them and their character then it will ever say about you!

Worrying about loosing friends because of our beliefs and values can interfere with believing in ourselves. It’s important to remember that those who put you down for your beliefs and your values are not friends. True friends accept us. One true friend is worth way more than many friends who don't accept you for You.

Being clear about the person that you truly are, will help you to make choices about your actions, attitudes and reactions. Even though you feel uncomfortable around certain people, knowing your true self will help you act in a way that stays true to You!

People will have their opinions but in the end we have the final say in what we choose to believe about ourselves. Taking life One Good Choice at a Time is a great way to ‘push through’ any insecurity you may be feeling.

The first Good Choice is to replace all your negative, non-supportive thoughts with Positive, UPower thoughts.

FOR EXAMPLE: Your UPower thought might be - 'I choose to be courageous and take a stand for what I believe.'

·        At first your brain might tell you – ‘No you don’t’

·        Write it down so that it is a constant reminder. 

·        Keep With It! The more you read it, think it, say it - the more your brain will believe it!

·        It’s important to keep replacing those old negative thoughts with your New UPower thought!

It’s not always easy to choose to believe in ourselves, but it does get easier and is worth the effort.

·        Choose your thoughts wisely - your attitude depends on it!

·        Choose to believe in YOU even when it feels like NO one else does.

Choose to be who you truly are no matter where you are or who you're with - that’s using your UPower!

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'.

Definition UPower® = We can’t always control the circumstances in our lives but we always have the Power to Choose our Choices - this is where our power lies. This is what I call our UPower.

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.

Keep reaching out until someone listens.

 



You Have the Final Say about What You Believe

Q: I'm so sensitive to what other people say. What should I do?

I am a sensitive person as well. I used to allow everything to bother me because I would take what people did or said personally.

I always wanted everyone to be happy and to get along. I used to do whatever I could to try to fix things so that everything would be peaceful. It got to be exhausting. I started to realize that I couldn’t change and fix others - I could only change me. It can be hard when people don't act in a way that you wish they would, but unless they choose to be different, you can’t 'make them change’.

Choosing not to take things so personally is not always the easiest choice, but it is important, because it will help you build the confidence necessary to feel secure about yourself regardless of what people say/do.

Allow yourself to feel your emotions and to find healthy ways to release them. Holding your emotions inside will only cause you more upset and pain  and just like a balloon that has been filled with too much air - you will explode!

Here are some things that you can choose to do in order to help release your emotions:

• Write/Journal in order to release stress and worries.
• Write your feelings on a piece of paper then rip it up or shred it. 
• Find healthy ways to release your feelings – sports, walking, talking to a friend, punching a pillow etc. For more examples, please see the ‘Healthy Ways to Release Feelings’ download poster on my website listed under FREE STUFF.
• Tell people how you feel either face to face or by letter. This can help to release the emotions that you may be experiencing. Remember to communicate all your thoughts and feelings using the words ‘I feel’ or ‘I think’. Using these words will help you express yourself without blaming the other person. You are only sharing your feelings - not blaming - about the situation. (Remember that you don't have control over how they respond to your feelings)

Here are some things that you can choose to do in order to help build up your self confidence:

• Get clear about the person you want to be so that you can make your thoughts and opinions louder than the words you are sensitive to.
• Post what you want to believe about yourself around your room, so that it can serve as a friendly reminder of who you want to be/how you want to act/feel. (Ex. I choose to be respectful, I choose to be loving and kind etc.)
• Choose to surround yourself with people and friends that accept and support you. If you are having a hard time finding like-minded friends, try joining clubs or sports team. This way you will meet people with a common interest as you. 

Building a 'thicker skin' was something that I had to work on, because if I was sensitive to every opinion I heard, I would have given up on my singing/speaking career years ago. What others say and do says WAY more about them and their character than it will ever say about You!

'That's their opinion and it doesn't mean much...not til you say it does!'

                                     – lyrics from my song ‘Doesn’t Mean Much’

People will always have their opinions but at the end of the day YOU have the final say in whether you choose to believe it or not!

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.

Keep reaching out until someone listens.

 

Taking a Stand for Respect

Q: When I stick up for someone, people say that I just want attention and they say some rude stuff. What do I do?

When I was in grade 7 there was a girl in my class who got made fun of everyday. Sometimes I would wonder how she came to school knowing that people were going to be cruel. I can remember walking home from school one day thinking, ‘I want to be someone who takes a stand for what I believe in. I want to take a Stand for Respect!’

When I made the choice to stand up for Respect I knew that meant taking a stand for the girl in my class who was getting made fun of or ignored everyday. I was nervous. I was worried about what others would think but I decided to 'feel the fear and do it anyway!' I put my new choice into action by saying 'hi' to her with a smile and by not talking about her in a disrespectful way. Two simple acts that are hard to do when everyone else is not doing the same.

There were people who turned on me by saying, 'What! Are you two best friends now? Sara you're too nice!' and I could tell by the tone in their voice that they didn't mean those words as a compliment. I knew I could not change how they acted but I could definitely choose my actions and opinions.

It’s hard to take a stand especially when no one else is there to support you. There is a saying that says 'It’s easy to stand with a crowd and hard to stand on your own.' It’s not always easy, but it is Possible to take a Stand for Respect regardless of what others think! I knew I needed to take a stand for what I believed was right.

A few months later I received a note from that young lady in my class.

Dear Sara,
You are the best out of the gang. You don't make fun of me. Why? I really like you. I want to be friends with the other ones but they don't want to be friends with me. I guess what I am trying to say is Thank You for not making fun of me!

Although it was hard to stand alone, it felt good knowing that I was doing what I believed was Right and Respectful. Today as I look back to grade 7 I am so happy I chose to take a stand. I have moved many times and I am now 29 and that note still means a lot to me. How we choose to treat ourselves and others can have lasting effects.

Choose not to allow what others think to determine what you Believe about you! Keep taking a stand for Respect for yourself and for others! The more you do it the easier it will become.

Remember - people have their opinions, but those opinions don’t mean anything until you say they do!! You have the final say in what you choose to believe about yourself and the world.

‘Act in the moment but choose to act in a way you will be proud of for the moments to come' - that's using your UPower.

Until next time...


This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'

    P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help,

one of the best UPower choices you can make is to

Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors,

friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.

Keep reaching out until someone listens.

It’s Easy to Get Caught Up in What Everyone Else Thinks

Q: I've been feeling like a failure because I haven't been able to live up to everyone else’s expectations. I haven’t even considered what my expectations are because they are centered on everyone else’s. I am so tired of trying to be everything to everybody. What can I do?

Balance is the Key!
I think we all struggle to find balance from time to time. For me, finding balance was difficult at first. I am someone who likes everyone to get along and be happy. I thought that maybe, just maybe, by being really easygoing and by doing what was asked of me, there would be no conflict. However, this was not the case. The major conflict that bubbled up was the one within myself. I realized that people were beginning to see me as a ‘pushover’ rather than as easygoing. I also learned that people don't respect those who are 'wishy- washy' with their beliefs and actions.

Taking a stand for what you want and for what you believe in, is so important! It’s what will help you find out who you are. When you are not clear about who you are, it is easy to do things you don't want to do and to become what everyone else wants.
For example: Someone who is not clear about whether they want to try smoking or not will be easily influenced to take up smoking if their friends smoke. It is easy to follow the crowd if you are not clear about what you want for you.

Let's be honest - it’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone else thinks, wants and expects from us. When this happens you are taking other people’s life journey not your own. Discovering who you are and what you will tolerate is an essential step towards helping you create balance within yourself.

There is a song lyric by Ricky Nelson that says:
'you can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself.'

It sounds selfish but when we try to please everyone around us all we have really accomplished is the feeling of being overwhelmed and a sense of failure. If you’re not taking care of yourself and showing yourself love and attention, not only will you end up getting burnt out, but soon a feeling of resentment and bitterness will start to grow inside of you.

This can happen because you feel so unhappy with the fact that, even though you are trying your best, you discover you are not pleasing everyone. You start to see that you have spent so much of your precious time and energy doing things that aren't really true to who you are. Then you realize there is no time left for you to do what you are passionate about.
Listen to what people have to say with an open mind and heart. However, instead of just deciding to go along with it because you are afraid of what people will say and think, really listen to yourself, so that you can become clear on what you truly believe.

Finding a balance between what other's want from you and what you want from yourself and your life is essential to finding peace within yourself.
Take time to have quiet moments with your own thoughts so that you can see what it is that you want for you and your life. Journal about it. Take long walks. Sit quietly in your room. Pay close attention to your thoughts.

Choosing to Listen and to Help others is a wonderful character trait but always make sure that you are also listening to your needs and taking time for you!
Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.

Being Popular Does Not Guarantee Feeling Good About Yourself

Q: I would love to be popular. If I could just become popular, I would have lots of friends and feel good about myself. Tell me how to achieve instant popularity!

I know that the popular people seem to have it made. They appear to ‘be in charge’. People think once you are labelled popular, life becomes perfect and everything, including happiness, comes easily.

We’ve all heard the saying ‘the grass always looks greener on the other side.’ It’s true - it does look greener until you get there because, just like everyone else, even the 'popular people’ have issues (e.g. wanting to keep up with one another, talking about each other, not feeling completely accepted etc).

Sometimes it becomes too easy to define who we are for reasons outside of ourselves. For example: 'I am accepted, important and worthwhile because I have so many friends.'
If your happiness depends on the number of friends you have, this could create unhappiness especially if you don't reach the magic number of friends you have set in your mind.

Feeling Good about YOU comes from truly believing that you are important just the way you are! This comes from inside you.

I have spoken to many people who are considered in the 'popular crowd' who still struggle because they don't feel truly
accepted and cared about. Being popular and having lots of friends does not guarantee you will feel good about yourself.

Some people care more about social status than the true meaning of friendship.

I think your real desire should be to have loving, understanding, supportive friends. I have learned that the quality of friendships you create is far more important than the quantity.

Once you completely accept who you are, regardless of social status, feeling good about yourself and your life follows.

Do you remember in my UPower concert when I was talking about making choices from an End Result and I told you mine 'I Choose to Respect myself, others and my dreams'.

Here is an Exercise for you to do:
· Write out your End Result – answering the question ‘What do you want to believe about YOU?’
· Start with 'I choose....' and fill in the rest. You can add Confident, Loving, Understanding, Accepting etc.
· Hang it someone in your room so that you can use it as a visual reminder of what you want to believe about yourself, regardless of the number of friends you have. I do this and I find it helps to build my confidence and self-acceptance.
· Keep repeating what it is that you want to believe about YOU. You have the final say when it comes to what you choose to believe about you and your life!

Choose not to put your happiness on hold because you are waiting until you are 'popular' in order to be Happy with you and your life.

The more confident you are with yourself the easier it will be to attract great friends. Work on being the best person and friend that you can be. Take pride in who you are and what you have to offer.

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.

Allow Yourself the Gift of Feeling Your Emotions

Q:My Nanny (grandmother) died over three years ago but this is the year that her death has really hit me. Lately I've been realizing how little time I took to actually get to know her and I regret not knowing her better. Also my family keeps commenting on how my cross stitching is amazing just like my Nanny's was. It's little comments like that that seem to make me all emotional and I cry myself to sleep sometimes thinking of her. How would you suggest I deal with it?

A: I can totally relate. When my Dad died I was devastated, however, the reality of him not being around didn't sink in right away. I found year five of my Dad’s death to be very hard.

Grief is a journey and it is not the same journey for everyone. Each day, each year brings about different emotions.

Sometimes I’ll remember something about my Dad - a place we visited or a story he told - that will bring a smile to my face. And sometimes that same memory will bring an overwhelming feeling of sadness - it depends on the day.

I know from experience that losing someone that we love brings about grief that seems like a constant roller coaster ride - one that we don't want to be on.

I have to admit that when my Dad first died I didn't fully allow myself to feel all of my emotions. I pushed them below the surface. I wasn't really sure how to be or feel. I was used to smiling and helping others, but this time I was the one who needed help. I found it really hard to reach out for that help and support. I felt a bit embarrassed, like I should know how to deal with the circumstance.

I was afraid to surrender, to allow myself to fully feel. However, once I made the decision to ‘just do it’, I began to experience relief.

Allowing yourself the gift of truly feeling your emotions is so important. If you find yourself crying yourself to sleep - it's okay – allow it to happen. The more you try to hold your feelings in or make yourself wrong for feeling them, the harder the journey becomes. For me, talking to someone about how I feel, journaling, writing songs, going for walks, crying, and baking - are all ways that help me to feel and release my emotions.

Find healthy ways that work for you to feel, to express and to release your emotions. In doing so you will create healing for yourself.

I hear from so many people that they wish they had done things differently. It is too easy to look back and say 'should have, would have, could have.' I believe it is important to focus on the great memories that you did create with your Nanny, instead of the ones you feel you didn't.

We can't change the past, but we can learn from it so that in the future we can choose to make different choices.

Knowing that you have the gift of cross-stitching that your Nanny also possessed is special. You are helping keep the memory of your Nanny alive, not only for you, but for your family!

It is sad when our loved ones die, but remembering the gifts we received because they were part of our lives, lightens the sadness. A beautiful life was lived and you are carrying on her memories.

‘To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.’ Thomas Campbell

Until Next Time...

This has been ‘my voice’ but this is your life, this is ‘your choice’

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
                            Keep reaching out until someone listens.

We Can Choose How We React to a Circumstance

Q: I can't believe it. The person I thought was my friend went and told other people a secret I told her about something that was happening in my life. I am so upset especially since she promised she would not tell anyone. What should I do?

I know that it is really upsetting when other people, especially the ones that we love and care about, do something that feels hurtful.

Let me share with you a time where I had a similar circumstance happen to me.

I was telling my friend something confidential and the next day she told other people what we were talking about. I felt very betrayed and angry.

I remember thinking how much I wished I had chosen not to share with my friend. I even wished I could have made my friend keep secrets and not gossip.

Even though I could not change the choice my friend made to tell other people about our conversation, I had CHOICES in how I reacted to this CIRCUMSTANCE.

Here are a few of the CHOICES that I found myself thinking about:

A) I could choose to talk to her about how I felt.
B) I could choose never to talk to her again.
C) I could choose to tell her only things that I didn’t mind other people knowing.

In order to choose what would work best for me, I had to first
decide what I wanted my END RESULT to be.

Having an END RESULT is so important because it’s what guides the choice you will choose to make.

The END RESULT I wanted was to keep her as a friend because there were qualities about her that I appreciated.

For me, CHOICE C was the one that worked the best.

Not everyone will have all the qualities that we think they ‘should’ have, but that doesn't mean that we have to choose to write them off. We can make a choice to Focus on the qualities that we like (ex: humour, kindness, generosity etc)

Find one quality and choose to Focus on that. In doing this, it will help you start to rebuild your relationship. Even if you choose to never tell your friend another secret, you can still create a relationship where you enjoy spending time together.

That being said, if your friend continues to treat you in a way that you feel is hurtful, then you have to make a choice whether this is a friendship that you want to continue having.

Until Next Time...

This has been ‘my voice’ but this is your life, this is ‘your choice’

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.

©2011

Your Choices Are Always in Your Control

Q: What do I do if I am being disrespected by my friend on Facebook?

A: This is a question I am asked often. Circumstances in which we feel we are being disrespected are very upsetting.

When life presents us with a circumstance there are many different choices to make in how we choose to act and react. Looking at all your possible choices before making a Final Decision is so important.

Whenever I have a Decision to make I always keep in mind what I want as my END RESULT(what I want to accomplish, what kind of person I want to be, how I want to treat others).

For me, my END RESULT is RESPECT for Myself and Others. An END RESULT is always something that is in your control. An END RESULT cannot be about someone else (example: I want my friend to accept me and apologize to me). How other people act is not in your control. What is in your control is your actions, reactions and beliefs. That is what I call our UPower.

Using my UPower Formula that I created helps me look beyond what I may be feeling in the moment. Making decisions out of my 'feelings' is not a reliable place to make choices because feelings change from moment to moment.

Let's break down the circumstance that you are describing and figure out how to make a ‘good choice’ from this circumstance using my UPower Formula so that you can make a Final Decision out of what you want for yourself and others.

Circumstance: my friend disrespected me on Facebook.

Choices: write out all your possible choices around this circumstance. Write out both negative and positive choices. Be honest about all your possible choices.

END RESULT: write out your end result keeping in mind what you want to accomplish, how you want to see yourself and how you want to treat others.

My END RESULT is RESPECT for Myself and Others.

Final Decision: out of all the choices that you listed above, what choice would get you closest to your desired END RESULT.

Choose the choice and put it into action!

Take this UPower Formula and walk through the steps with all your difficult circumstances. This formula will help you to see more clearly the choices you have and which one you will need to make in order to help you get to your desired END RESULT.

Making Decisions with your END RESULT in mind has you 'live in the moment in a way that you will be proud of for moments to come!'


Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life, this is 'your choice'.

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.