Q: I’m a 17 year old girl trying to decide whether to have sex. Any advice?
A: Sex has consequences. A few possibilities are pregnancy, a sexually transmitted disease and regret. It’s easy to brush off the ‘possible’ consequences because they may not seem real at the time. We have all said ‘oh, that won’t happen to me!’ and by the time it does, it’s too late.
We can’t go back in time and change the choices that we made.
‘Live in the moment but living in a way that you will be proud of for the moments to come’
‘Live in the moment’ is a fun, carefree way to live ‘but living in a way that you will be proud of for the moments to come’ to me is the most important part of this quotation because it takes only one decision to change your life!
I am going to share a story about a friend of mine. She was 19 years old and had just finished high school. She had plans to backpack through Europe. One night, when she was with her boyfriend ‘living in the moment’ began with kissing which turned into ‘making out’, ‘making out’ turned into sex and sex turned into ‘I’m pregnant!’ Travelling to Europe soon turned into a distant memory and her life changed dramatically. Her future, as she thought she saw it, was changed forever.
If she had considered the second part of the quotation ‘but live in a way that you will be proud of for the moments to come’- she would have considered whether the possible consequences would have fit into her goals.
She was terrified to tell her parents. When she told her boyfriend, he wanted nothing to do with her and the baby. She thought he loved her and never expected him to leave. She realized that they had not talked about what each of them would do if she got pregnant. Now, feeling extremely alone, she had the loss of the relationship and the pregnancy to deal with.
'I wish that I could get back to where I was before. My head will explode and I’m going insane. Nothing makes sense, I’m so ashamed. How do I get through this?'- lyrics from my song ‘One Decision’
She was left to decide whether to raise the child herself, put the child up for adoption or have an abortion. From these choices came a whole lot of other choices that she had to consider.
For example: if she decided to raise the child, here would be some questions that would need to be answered:
· How will I support the child?
· Where will we live?
· Who is going to help me take care of the baby? I still want a life.
· What will I tell my child about his/her father?
All of these choices are life changing decisions.
Before making a decision, take time and have a look at why you want to have sex or why you are having sex.
· Are you in loving, committed, monogamous relationship so you think sex should be the next step?
· Are you prepared to handle the consequences that will change your life?
· Are you thinking ‘everyone else is doing it’ so I should?
· Is it because you want the person you are with to be happy and like you?
Please look at why you feel you need or want to participate in sexual activity at this time in your life. Look at the consequences: pregnancy, a sexually transmitted disease and regret. Realize that each of those consequences has a new set of choices - hard choices that will change your life.
Know that there are others ways to have, create and sustain a great connection with your partner other than sex.
For more information about sex, safe sex, consequences and frequently asked questions, please check out:
http://www.avert.org/teens.htm
Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life, this is 'your choice'.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.
