A: When someone is unfaithful it is hard not to take it personally. The feeling of betrayal is a hard one to move through, but learning to trust again is essential to having a healthy relationship. The first step is to believe that it is possible.
To build a strong and trusting relationship it is necessary to realize that her cheating had nothing to do with you. We can’t make people act the way we think they should.
In order to move through circumstances that we find upsetting, it is important to take a few days to feel your emotions fully. Grieve the loss of your prior relationship. By holding everything in, you will only hurt your current relationship and yourself.
Here are a few things I have found helpful in order to help let go of feelings of betrayal, anger and sadness.
· Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and emotions is a way of uncluttering your brain. It also has you be more aware of what you are truly thinking and feeling.
· Cry
· Scream into a pillow!
· Talk to her picture - letting her know your thoughts and feelings.
· Write her a letter and then tear it up.
I have found that when we feel our emotions fully, it gives us the opportunity to heal and forgive.
Don’t be alarmed when I say ‘Forgiveness’. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what the person did was okay. Forgiveness means that you are not willing to carry around the pain and hurt anymore. You are not willing to give that person or situation any more power in your life or in your current relationship.
‘Forgiveness is the key to the bars that imprison me.’- lyrics from my song ‘Hearts Collide’
Open communication is the key to any great relationship, so share your thoughts, your feelings, your fears and your desires with your new girlfriend. Share with each other what you want to focus on in your current relationship. This way you can become a team, working together to create an amazing relationship that is built on honesty, trust and respect.
A relationship that is built on fear – ‘What if they cheat on me?’ - ‘What if they leave me?’ -will not have the solid foundation that it needs to develop into something truly amazing.
Have you heard the saying ‘Love like you have never been hurt’? I like this because it is very simple and true.
Being ‘hurt’ isn’t fun, but if we choose to move through the situation, we can learn from the experience. It can help us grow and create an even better relationship with ourselves and others others.
Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life - this is 'your choice'
Keep reaching out until someone listens.
