Being Secure with Who You are is Best Cure for Jealousy

Q: This guy and I have been really good friends for a long time. I've never really had any romantic feelings toward him. He's just someone I like to hang out with. Lately, though, I've found myself getting really jealous when he talks to and flirts with other girls. So much so, that I have actually convinced him not to go out with some really nice girls. I really want my friend to be happy, and I don't think I want a relationship with him, but I don't know how to keep from feeling jealous.


A: First let’s define what jealousy means. I define jealousy as an emotion (typically negative) that stems from thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over a potential loss or inability to gain something that you value, like a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of emotions such as anger, and sadness.

If your jealousy stems mainly from insecurities, then what are you insecure about? Maybe you think that she will take your place, that he will like her better than you, and that they will have great times together.

If your jealously stems mainly from fear, then what are afraid of? Maybe it scares you that the time you and your friend spend together will be interrupted and maybe even lost.

Since you enjoy the time you spend with him, I can see why you may feel a bit insecure and afraid because you don’t want your relationship to change.

‘We all know you have to feel the rain to see a rainbow.’ – lyric from my song ‘Beautiful Surprise’

Acting out of these fears will only lead your relationship down a rocky path that can end up with your friendship ending.

If you truly want your friend to be happy and to continue to have a good friendship, then you must choose to take a step back when it comes to his personal relationships. It’s not that it will be easy, but if you value your friendship, it needs to be done.

Since you are not interested in a personal relationship with him, it really isn’t fair to try and hold him back from finding someone who is interested in him.

When we allow our minds to wander, when we feel insecure and when we choose to live out of fear, jealousy is born.

We all have the ability to be jealous, but the question is do you act on it? Lately you have been acting on it by discouraging your friend from dating nice girls. Allow jealousy to be a passing thought, a passing emotion.

Jealousy can eat away at wonderful relationships if we allow it to. Creating suspicion and anger only holds us back from experiencing a truly happy and healthy relationship.

I have found that choosing to be secure with who you are and what you have to offer, is the best prevention and cure for jealousy.

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.