Not Everyone Chooses to Be Trustworthy and Honest

Q: I have a friend and she has been mean to me so many times(about 10) and I always forgive her. One time I was on msn with her and she asked me who I liked. I asked her if anyone was in the room and she said "No" So I told her and when i asked who she likes she did not tell me. Right before she signed out she said that her friend was there the whole time. She lied to me about being alone. After 4-5 days I forgave her but ever since then she still does mean stuff to me. I was wondering if I should say something to her or just not say anything and go on with my life?

A: It is upsetting, frustrating and disappointing when we find out that a friend has lied to us, mistreated us or betrayed us.

When I was in middle school I told a friend in secret about a boy I liked. The next thing I knew she had told everyone about him. I felt betrayed and uncared for. 'Who can I trust if I can't trust my own friend?', I thought. Knowing that I had to see this friend everyday at school was hard.

It is important to create limits of what you will and will not accept in a friendship.

Here are some sugestions to help you create these limits:

SHARING YOUR FEELINGS
Share with your friend in person or in a letter how you are feeling and how you would like to have honesty and trust in your friendship. Using ‘I feel…….’ will have your friend feel that you are not placing blame and will make her less defensive and more open to listening to your concerns.
RELEASING EMOTIONS
If you are not comfortable letting your friend know your feelings, write a letter that you do not send. This is great way to say what you need to say. It will help you to release your thoughts and emotions on paper. Destroy the letter when you are ready.

MAKING CHOICES
· If you choose to talk or write to your friend about how you are feeling you may find that she is truly sorry and did not mean to hurt you or you may find that she is not interested in your feelings.
· If there are parts of your friendship you still enjoy (ex: going to the movies, laughing, playing sports, shopping) then I would suggest you do those things with her but realize that you can't trust her with personal information. Unfortunately, not everyone chooses to be trustworthy and honest.
· If, after forgiving your friend many times, she still chooses to be be mean and hurtful, then choosing not to be friends with her may be a good choice.
· If you decide to end the friendship it is important to be kind and respectful towards her.
In my experience choosing to surround myself with wonderful, supportive and honest friends has me feel loved, happy and strong. Great friends are there to encourage you, to help make this journey of life easier and of course to create more Fun in your life!

Until next time...

This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life - this is 'your choice'

P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.