It’s hard when we say things to others with their best intentions in mind and they don't see it that way. Unfortunately, we cannot make other people respond the way that we think they 'should'.
I would suggest having another conversation with your friend about how you are both feeling.
I am going to share with you ways to create a conversation where it is possible for you both to feel understood.
First, it is important for us to realize that there are 3 ways in which we communicate. They are with our words, our tone and our body language.
Words: only 7% influences us during communication.
Tone: 38% is about HOW we say something.
Body Language: 55% is our facial expressions and body movements.
Keeping this in mind when we are communicating with one another is very important.
Most of us desperately want others to listen to what we are saying and to understand what we are saying. We forget that not all people Listen and Understand the same way. This leads to miscommunication.
How you speak to your friend may not be how your friend likes to be spoken to. We tend to talk to people the way we want to be heard, not the way that they actually listen.
For Example: I have a friend that believes that sharing your TRUE emotions during a conversation is so important, even if your true emotions are anger and frustration. This may cause her to yell during the conversation. I have another friend who is a firm believer in the statement that says 'if you don't have anything positive to say, don't say anything at all.' She doesn't like when people yell during conversations and if they do- she shuts down and won't listen. She will leave the conversation all together.
You can imagine that when these two friends have a conversation, coming to an agreement that works for both of them, would be near impossible. One would be yelling (tone), thinking it was okay because she is angry and being real with her emotions and the other one would leave the room (body language) upset and hurt because she would believe that her friend wasn’t being nice.
In order to get the most out of your conversations - notice how the people in your life react when you speak to them. In order to get your point across in a way they will understand, it is important to watch & to listen to how they are reacting when you are speaking with them. By doing this, it will give you insight into how your friend likes to be spoken to.
Here are 4 ways to help you share your feelings more clearly and effectively with your friend:
· Pay attention to her body language and tone
· Speak using 'I Feel'. It gets far better results than speaking from a place of 'You are', which will quickly put her on the defensive. Once people feel defensive emotions rise up and the conversation can spin quickly out of control or just simply end with no resolution.
· Listen to what she has to say instead of what you are about to say next.
· Be Open to her point of view instead of deciding that she is wrong before the conversation has even started.
In the end whether she chooses to listen to you or not is up to her. Knowing that you shared your perspective because you care about your friend, is something that you can feel good about.
Until next time...
This has been 'my Voice' but this is your life, this is 'your Choice'.
