Q: Five years ago my Dad left my Mom. I am tired of feeling angry with him. Can you help?
A: Five years is a long time to hold onto anger, although some people can hold on to it for their entire lives. But in the end all that is gained is bitterness and hatred.
For me, hanging onto anger takes up way too much energy- energy that is better spent focusing on my dreams and becoming the best person I can be. More often then not, we hold onto anger because we want to punish the person that has 'done wrong'. But in the end it is ourselves we are punishing because we become consumed with fruatration and anger. It becomes a part of our thinking and spills over into so many other aspects of our life.
I know this because I spent many years being angry at my dad’s lifestyle. I tried to get my Dad to change. I wanted him to act in a way that I thought he should. I soon figured out that I could neither change him nor make choices for him. But the good news is - we can change ourselves, our views and our opinions.
I decided that a relationship with my dad was inportant to me, so I had some choices to make and some actions to take in order to help create that relationship.
First I realized I needed to forgive him for his choices.
'Forgiveness is the key to the bars that imprison me' - lyric from my song ‘Hearts Collide’
Forgiveness is very important - it will set you free from so much pain. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you are saying what the person did was right. You are just saying that you are no longer willing to carry around the pain and anger. It takes up too much space.
I know that it may be hard to forgive your Dad and you may feel as though you are betraying your Mom if you do forgive him, but again remember that forgiveness doesn't mean that you are saying what happened is okay.
The choice I made was deciding to change how I saw him. Instead of focusing on the things that drove me crazy I decided to look for what I enjoyed about my Dad. One thing I loved was his humour. He could always make me laugh.
When I chose to change my focus, I changed our relationship. Not because he changed, but because I did. I stopped expecting him to be someone that he wasn’t. I chose to accept him for who he was which lead to a much happier, healthier relationship.
It was interesting for me to see that by forgiving my dad and by focusing on the things I did enjoy about him, my attitude towards him and others became much more positive.
When we choose to change our focus we change our world!
Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life - this is 'your choice'
P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.
A: Five years is a long time to hold onto anger, although some people can hold on to it for their entire lives. But in the end all that is gained is bitterness and hatred.
For me, hanging onto anger takes up way too much energy- energy that is better spent focusing on my dreams and becoming the best person I can be. More often then not, we hold onto anger because we want to punish the person that has 'done wrong'. But in the end it is ourselves we are punishing because we become consumed with fruatration and anger. It becomes a part of our thinking and spills over into so many other aspects of our life.
I know this because I spent many years being angry at my dad’s lifestyle. I tried to get my Dad to change. I wanted him to act in a way that I thought he should. I soon figured out that I could neither change him nor make choices for him. But the good news is - we can change ourselves, our views and our opinions.
I decided that a relationship with my dad was inportant to me, so I had some choices to make and some actions to take in order to help create that relationship.
First I realized I needed to forgive him for his choices.
'Forgiveness is the key to the bars that imprison me' - lyric from my song ‘Hearts Collide’
Forgiveness is very important - it will set you free from so much pain. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you are saying what the person did was right. You are just saying that you are no longer willing to carry around the pain and anger. It takes up too much space.
I know that it may be hard to forgive your Dad and you may feel as though you are betraying your Mom if you do forgive him, but again remember that forgiveness doesn't mean that you are saying what happened is okay.
The choice I made was deciding to change how I saw him. Instead of focusing on the things that drove me crazy I decided to look for what I enjoyed about my Dad. One thing I loved was his humour. He could always make me laugh.
When I chose to change my focus, I changed our relationship. Not because he changed, but because I did. I stopped expecting him to be someone that he wasn’t. I chose to accept him for who he was which lead to a much happier, healthier relationship.
It was interesting for me to see that by forgiving my dad and by focusing on the things I did enjoy about him, my attitude towards him and others became much more positive.
When we choose to change our focus we change our world!
Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life - this is 'your choice'
Keep reaching out until someone listens.
