Q: Hey Sara, your performance at the cinema was amazing but I have a question...how do you do your own thing even when your friends are going to do something you know you shouldn't or they are not doing something that you want to? For example: at your UPower concert when you asked us to wave our arms to your song I felt like I shouldn't cuz my friends weren’t and I was also worried that I was going to get made fun of.
A: Sometimes worrying about what other people will think holds us back from behaving in a manner that is not appropriate or in a way that could be harmful. So in SOME cases allowing the opinions of others to influence you is a good thing.
However, there are many times when people worry so much about what others think of them, that they don't allow themselves the freedom to be who they truly are. Instead they hide their talents, their abilities and their personality in order to fit in!
It’s easy to allow your mind to create ’what if’s’ about situations and to worry about what others may think.
For example:
· ‘What if I wave my hands in the air and everyone thinks I look ridiculous?'
· ‘What if I wear my new outfit to school and people don't like it?’
· ‘What if I don't make the basketball team - will people think that I'm a bad athlete?’
The ‘what if's’ can be never ending. Sometimes we even answer the ‘what if’ questions that play over and over in our minds.
For example:
Q: ‘What if I wave my hands in the air?’
A: ‘Everyone might think I look ridiculous. Then I will feel embarrassed. I might even get made fun…not just that day...maybe the rest of the year! People might not want to hang out with me etc.'
Even if a small voice in your head is saying, ‘Just go ahead, it’ll be fun’, it will take a lot of courage to go against all the ‘what ifs’ your mind has created from the simple act of wanting to wave your hands in the air during a song.
Since we all have a strong desire to fit in, to be accepted and to be loved, it’s easy to do or not to do something in order to obtain acceptance.
Most of us spend a lot of time trying to look good for other people and I don't just mean with our fashion sense.
Giving in to the 'worries' of embarrassment and allowing those worries to stop you from being who you truly are, means that you end up missing out on the fun and freedom of allowing yourself to express YOU in a Unique way!
Here is something that I found helpful as a teenager. I wrote down the type of person I wanted to be. I wanted to be Respectful, Understanding and Confident. Whenever a situation would come up I would ask myself if I was being true to those characteristics.
Also ask yourself:
· Is it more important to 'fit in' at the cost of not being your unique self? (If people put you down for waving your hands to a song, are those the people that you want to call friends?)
or
· Is it more important for you to enjoy being You? - 'waving your hands in the air like you just don't care' regardless of what others may think. (Plus, deciding to wave your hands in the air, may have others following your lead!)
Always keep in your mind the person that you want to be and make CHOICES that will lead you there!
Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life, this is 'your choice'
P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.
