Q: I'm so sensitive to what other people say. What should I do?
I am a sensitive person as well. I used to allow everything to bother me because I would take what people did or said personally.
I always wanted everyone to be happy and to get along. I used to do whatever I could to try to fix things so that everything would be peaceful. It got to be exhausting. I started to realize that I couldn’t change and fix others - I could only change me. It can be hard when people don't act in a way that you wish they would, but unless they choose to be different, you can’t 'make them change’.
Choosing not to take things so personally is not always the easiest choice, but it is important, because it will help you build the confidence necessary to feel secure about yourself regardless of what people say/do.
Allow yourself to feel your emotions and to find healthy ways to release them. Holding your emotions inside will only cause you more upset and pain and just like a balloon that has been filled with too much air - you will explode!
Here are some things that you can choose to do in order to help release your emotions:
- Write/Journal in order to release stress and worries.
- Write your feelings on a piece of paper then rip it up or shred it.
- Find healthy ways to release your feelings – sports, walking, talking to a friend, punching a pillow etc. For more examples, please see the ‘Healthy Ways to Release Feelings’ download poster on my website listed under FREE STUFF.
- Tell people how you feel either face to face or by letter. This can help to release the emotions that you may be experiencing. Remember to communicate all your thoughts and feelings using the words ‘I feel’ or ‘I think’. Using these words will help you express yourself without blaming the other person. You are only sharing your feelings - not blaming - about the situation. (Remember that you don't have control over how they respond to your feelings)
Here are some things that you can choose to do in order to help build up your self confidence:
- Get clear about the person you want to be so that you can make your thoughts and opinions louder than the words you are sensitive to.
- Post what you want to believe about yourself around your room, so that it can serve as a friendly reminder of who you want to be/how you want to act/feel. (Ex. I choose to be respectful, I choose to be loving and kind etc.)
- Choose to surround yourself with people and friends that accept and support you. If you are having a hard time finding like-minded friends, try joining clubs or sports team. This way you will meet people with a common interest as you.
Building a 'thicker skin' was something that I had to work on, because if I was sensitive to every opinion I heard, I would have given up on my singing/speaking career years ago. What others say and do says WAY more about them and their character than it will ever say about You!
'That's their opinion and it doesn't mean much...not til you say it does!'
– lyrics from my song ‘Doesn’t Mean Much’
People will always have their opinions but at the end of the day YOU have the final say in whether you choose to believe it or not!
Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect this is your life - this is 'your choice'
P.S. If you are faced with a circumstance where you need help, one of the best UPower choices you can make is to Reach Out to your parents/adults, teachers, principals, counsellors, friends or www.kidshelpphone.ca to get the support you deserve.
Keep reaching out until someone listens.
