A: It is hard to accept changes in our lives, especially when we don't like the change and we have no choice in whether or not the changes happen. Life is constantly changing and we all experience it in different ways.
It is natural and okay to feel upset about the changes that you are experiencing, but to take that pain out on other people is not okay. Recognizing that you have been mistreating others and even yourself is the first step to changing that behaviour. When I look back at the times that I have done something or said something to someone that is hurtful or negative, they can all be traced back to a common reason - I was unhappy with myself or my life in some way.
Sometimes when we are hurting it is easy to be rude, short or mean to someone else, but that doesn't excuse hurtful behaviour.
Let's look at how we can move through painful changes to a place where we find happiness once again.
For those of you who read my columns faithfully you already know that I am a huge fan of journaling. I call it de-cluttering the mind. A journal is a safe place to express our thoughts.
Take your journal, notebook or paper and start writing. Even if your first few lines are 'I was told about writing in a journal but I don't know what to write about and I have nothing to say.' After you have written this a few times thoughts will start flowing.
Write out your feelings about:
· Your Dad's business not doing very well
· The move and what that means to you
· Mistreating your friends
· How you are feeling when you are depressed
· What situations are causing you to feel depressed
Be real with yourself. Allow yourself to be open and honest with yourself. Sometimes we may feel it is easier to ignore our emotions and push them away, but by feeling them, we give ourselves permission to release them.
Denying what we truly feel can eventually lead to depression and saying/doing hurtful things to others. Holding in your feelings just eats away at who we are and our ability to be happy.
After you have allowed yourself to feel your emotions, apologizing to your friends would be a great idea. It would feel good not only to them but you as well.
Apologizing can be hard. Sometimes we are afraid that we will be embarassed, but by feeling the fear and doing it anyway you will feel great knowing that you had the courage to admit you were wrong and that you are willing to be different from now on.
If you think it would be too hard or embarassing to talk to your friends face to face then write them a letter sharing your thoughts, feelings, apology and where you see the future of your friendship going.
Whether they except your apology or not isn't up to you, but knowing that you did whatever you could to make yourself, your life and friendship better- is a great feeling.
Maybe by going through this experience with your friends and by being open with them, it will help everyone create a stronger bond of friendship.
We all experience change but it is how we choose to handle it, move through it, embrace it that shapes how our lives play out.
‘So now I've changed my thoughts around. Tired of feeling down. Decided to make a new choice so now you’ll hear a strong voice. I am going to fly.’ - lyrics from my song ‘Used To’
For more information on depression please visit
www.mindyourmind.ca
Until next time...
This has been 'my voice' but I respect that this is your life - this is 'your choice'
Keep reaching out until someone listens.
